Zim's Mythology of Doom
by ladyanaconda
Summary: Zim, Irken god of the underworld, falls in love with the mortal hyooman Gaz, and what a better way to win her over than kidnapping her? Based on the Persephone myth from Greek mythology, but with some twists.
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, guys, I've decided to give it a try to ZaGR, and what a better way to start than with some Greek mythology? This fic is inspired by the myth of Persephone and Hades. It's pretty obvious who gets which role, right? Of course, it will have its differences from the original tale. You'll see what I mean eventually ;).**

**BTW, in this fic, I'm portraying Zim, the Tallest and other Irkens as gods of a pantheon with very ancient and powerful magic instead of technology. Also this takes place in the show's time instead of antiquity. It's not going to be very long, maybe about ten chapters, depending. We'll see.**

**PS:**

**Without any further ado, enjoy!**

* * *

The underworld is a very dark, gloomy place. There's not a single trace of sunlight, so it's very hard to tell what time of the day it is down there. There are no plants, except in the particular area where the 'goodie people' go. There only water there comes from the Styx river, and even that water is not fit for consumption unless you want to forget who you are and become a memoryless husk for the rest of eternity. Wherever you look there's rocks, rocks, and more rocks, all of them a coal black, further adding to the macabre atmosphere.

Yet, somehow, Zim has managed to live down there and keep his sanity intact.

Many of the previous rulers had to be prematurely retired from their position due to falling into depression because of the terrible work conditions, but not him. The Irken pantheon could not understand but frankly, they didn't care either. If it meant it would keep him down there for as long as possible, they had no problem with it. Zim himself didn't care about it, all he wanted was to please his leaders and fathers, the Almighty Tallest.

Sometimes even he had to admit this job was the most boring one, though. All he had to do was supervise that souls who got in _never_ left, a _very_ important job, according to the Tallest. And so Zim did his job as best as he could. If he did it well, who knows? Someday they might make him God of something better, maybe even earn a place amongst those who dwelt in the heavens!

"How many arrivals today, Cavernous?" Zim asked seemingly to his ceiling.

A disembodied voice responded. "**One million and counting, master**." Cavernous was the consciousness of Zim's castle, magically given sentience in order to better cater the needs of the King of the Underworld. That, and sometimes it got lonely down there. "**And perhaps you'll want to know that GIR is toying with the Pool Mirror again**."

Zim groaned. "GIR! Not again!" He left his throne and stomped his way out of the main foyer, long cloak-like overcoat flowing behind him as he walked. The walls of the castle were grim and dark. The tapestries hanging had very dark colors such a s deep violet and red. It made Zim miss the bright pink and mauve found in _Massive_.

The Pool Mirror was located in the upper areas of the castle. It consisted of a clear, circular pool of dark water from which Zim could see anywhere on Earth he wanted. Sometimes he tried using it on his leaders, but the signal didn't arrive all the way up there, unfortunately. Like Cavernous said, GIR was sitting on the edge of the pool, eating a bag of popcorn as he watched some piggies, laughing hysterically whenever they moved.

"GIR, how many times have I told you not to toy with that!" Zim snapped as he came to a stop right next to the imp, who looked up at him with wide, cyan eyes.

"Look, master! There's a piggy in there! Can I get one?"

"Zim is not having any animals in the castle!"

"What about the big, flying snake that sleeps on the roof?"

"That's…. A different case!" the creature GIR was talking about had been sacrificed to him as an offering by a long-extinct race, and ever since Zim had employed it as a guardian to keep anyone from leaving, and sometimes as his personal steed due to its flight and speed. "Why don't you go pluck some flowers from the Elysian fields or something?"

"I did!" GIR held out a bouquet of withered flowers for his master. Zim only sighed. That's what happens when you bring the plants out of the Elysian.

"Thanks, GIR, now go eat meat." GIR squealed in delight and ran off into the dark corridors. Zim murmured under his breath. Why did he still keep that annoying, useless imp around? He knew the answer but didn't want to admit it to himself.

Zim glanced into the Pool Mirror, where the image of the piggies had long disappeared. He would have gone back to his throne room to bore himself out of his wits, but it had been a long time ever since he used it. He waved his hand in a circular motion, causing the waters to ripple and become transparent as another image appear. One of the many cities on the surface, filled with insignificant hyoomans living their insignificant lives until they perished and their spirits came down.

He was about to make the image disappear when something caught his eye. A speck of violet moving behind a fence. Curious, Zim zoomed in and shifted the angle to take a better look. It was a tall, pale female hyooman with long violet hair that reminded him of a monster's jaws and dark goth clothing. He could not see the color of her eyes, for they were squinted, and yet somehow she could see her way perfectly.

Zim stared at the girl as she walked down the street. There was something about her… The air around her was dark, and she had powerful energy to her. On more than one occasion her very presence had frightened some critters into fleeing the area entirely and for good. She never honored those around her with a glance, instead, all of her attention was fixed on some strange device she held in her hands.

Zim swore his dark, shriveled Irken equivalent of a heart started to beat at that moment.

"**Master, GIR started a fire in the kitchen again**."

Instead of going into a yelling fit, Zim merely sat down on a chair he conjured closer, his gaze never leaving the image in the pool. "Aja."

"**And…?**"

"Just tell him to come back early."

"**Master, did you not hear what I said?**"

"Leave Zim alone, Cavernous, I'm busy!" All Cavernous did was sigh.

Over the next few days, Zim would come to the Pool Mirror and spy on the violet-haired girl. He learned her name was Gazlene, she was the daughter of a renowned scientist across the globe. She _never_ smiled. She didn't have any friends, the closest thing to one was her older brother Dib, and not even that. She seemed to hate him. In fact, she seemed to hate everyone, and those who earned her wrath got a one-way ticket to his realm.

Zim found himself attracted to Gazlene the more he watched her. She was so beautiful in her own, twisted dark way. It was then that he noticed how lonely it was in his cold, dark castle, with only GIR and Cavernous to keep him company… Well, actually the latter didn't really count since he was only the disembodied voice of his castle's consciousness. None of his fellow Irkens ever visited and for some reason his invitations always for lost on the way down here, causing him to arrive late or even miss parties held in the _Massive_.

At that moment, Zim decided he'd make Gazlene his Queen.

But for that, he needed permission.

* * *

"Red?"

"What now?"

"I'm bored."

"Then go cause a hurricane or something."

"I already did. I caused a typhoon during the biggest shark migration, remember?"*****

"Ah, yes. I admit that was ingenious even for you."

"Hey!"

The two co-rulers of the Irken Pantheon, god of war Red and god of snacks Purple, sat upon their thrones thinking of how to entertain themselves. Tormenting mortals was funny, but eventually, it loses charm after the hundredth earthquake or plague. Besides, nowadays it's not that easy to do so, considering hyoomans and their 'technology' made things easier for the inferior creatures. Perhaps they should consider making up a new position for that.

"So what do you want to do today?"

Red shrugged and took a sip of soda. "I don't know. I was thinking of sending the disease that causes pus-filled balls to grow on hyooman skin…"

"The black death?"

"Yeah, that one, but I remembered that scientist has already created a cure for it. Curse him!"

"Oh, you mean professor…." Purple took a quick look at his Irkpad. "...Membrane? Yeah, he's a pain in the squeedly-spooch!"

"How long until Tak goes to collect his soul?"

"From what it says here, he found a way to prolong a hyooman's life."

"You're joking."

"I wish I were."

Red slapped his forehead, groaning. "Wonderful! That means we'll have put up with him for far longer!"

"**Masters, hate to interrupt your daily complaining session, but Zim is here**."

Both this time both Irkens groaned. They were certainly _not_ in the mood to deal with him today. "Tell him to come back another day."

"**I tried, sirs, but-**"

Both Tallest screamed when a giant, dark-colored snake-like creature burst through the wall right next to the doors, leaving a big hole in its path. Purple additionally jumped to his partner's arms in his fright. Once he recovered from the surprise, Red rolled his eyes and dropped him to the ground. The serpent blinked its round, deep pink eyes and then vomited its master out of its stomach, much to the horror and revulsion of the taller Irkens.

"Noo! Not on the floor!"

"At least he didn't do it on the doughnuts this time."

Zim, covered in vomit and saliva, quickly got to his feet and waved his arm excitedly. "Hello, My Tallest! It's me!"

Red sighed. "What do you want, Zim?"

"Couldn't you have used the damn door?!" Purple snapped, pointing at the hole on the wall while glaring at the perpetrator, who had curled up and fallen asleep.

Zim winced. "I'm sorry for that, My Tallest," he frowned at his 'steed'. "I shall punish Zimkro for it!" He didn't hear Tallest Purple muttering 'stupid name', or simply decided to ignore it. "Anyhow, I was keeping watching the hyoomans and doing a good job, as usual, when a particular specimen caught my eye. A female hyooman dubbed Gaz-demon-"

"Go straight to the point, Zim," Red muttered, taking a big slurp of soda to calm his nerves.

Another wince, but he quickly regained his composure. "You see, these past decades I've noticed that it's very lonely down in my castle. I'm not complaining, just pointing it out! And so Zim has decided to make this Gaz-demon his queen so that she may cater to his needs!"

For the tenth time that month, Purple found himself soaked in soda as his co-Tallest spat the drink, directed right at his face. He was glad he did, though, or he might have choked on his nachos.

"What?" Red asked once he recovered his breath. "You mean…?"

"You want to mate with a… mortal?" Purple finished. "Seriously?"

"For that, I need your approval, sirs, so…" Zim nervously spread out his arms. "Here I am!"

Red and Purple exchanged glances, then looked back at Zim. "Would you excuse us for a minute?" Without waiting for the reply, they floated out of earshot. "What do we do? We can't have another Demi-Irken running around again ever since what happened with the volcano!"

Red sniffled. "I miss that town's snacks." He rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "But… then again, perhaps it's now such a bad idea of Zim is courting someone."

"What?!"

"Just listen! If Zim starts 'courting' girl, he'll spend most of his time with her, and…" he trailed off, waiting for his partner to finish it.

"... he'll get dumped?"

"Exac- What? No!" Red smacked his head. "... though that would be amusing to see. What I mean is that if he's busy with that, he won't come here as often and we won't have to see his stupid face!"

Purple rubbed the sore spot on the back of his head, lekku raised. "Hey, you're right? And if it doesn't work, at least well get to see him depressed over being dumped!"

"Do we agree, then?"

"Yeah!"

The two tall Irken gods went back to Zim, both smiling. "Zim, after some deliberation regarding your status, we've decided that as a reward for your hard work in the Underworld, you shall be granted permission to take this… hyooman as your mate."

Zim's expression brightened. "Oh, thank you, My Tallest! Thankyouiwillnotdissappointyou!"

"Yeah, whatever," Purple motioned his hand in a dismissive gesture. "Now go and _don't come_ unless we call for you, okay?"

"As you wish, sirs! Zim shall go back to his realm to prepare everything for his Gaz-demon! Byeee!" He snapped his fingers. Zimkro ate him again, spread out its wings and flew out through the wall, leaving yet another hole behind.

Red smacked his forehead. Purple waved his hands in the air. "Couldn't he have used the damn window?!"

* * *

***Reference to sharknado. Something I think Purple would do to entertain himself if he had the power. **


	2. Chapter 2

"_Have a nice day, children!_"

Gaz ignored her dad's pre-recorded message and instead made her way to high-skool, followed by her older brother Dib, who was in the middle of a yet-another paranormal theory of his. She didn't really care, she had never bothered to listen to any of his ramblings. In fact, she never listened to any word that left his big mouth. It was bad enough having that big head of his around most of the time.

Once they got to high-skool they went their separate ways, at long last. Bitter relief. It actually offered little comfort to Gaz, though, as now she had to spend the next seven hours listening to Mr. Dillan babble about how happy he was while her classmates just fooled around. A good thing she saved juice for her Game Slave to at least make this experience more bearable. She never lifted her gaze from her game, and the teacher didn't come her way. Nobody dared to bother her. They still remembered what happened to the last person who made her angry.

During lunchtime, she sat alone, with only Dib's annoying company, but that was mostly because he was the one who came looking for her. She quietly enjoyed as many slices of pizza as she could eat before the bell rang again, and she went back to the classroom. Sometimes she wondered why she still bothered to come to waste her time to this horrible place. Perhaps it was only to please dad, who insisted that both she and Dib get a diploma to get respectable positions in the scientific area. Pff. She had no interest in science. She was going to be a famous video game designer, whether dad liked it or not.

At least it was better than Dib's idea of becoming a paranormal investigator.

At long last, the bell signaling the end of school rang. Gaz quietly gathered her stuff, including her precious Game Slave, into her backpack and made her way out of the building and towards the nearest park. She had no reason to go home early and it's not like dad would find out, anyway. He's rarely home and when he is it's only for a few minutes before he locks himself down in his lab. So she often came to the park in the city center to play her game slave in peace and away from Dib's big-

"Hey, Gaz!"

Gaz flinched in disgust. "What do you want, Dib?" she growled.

"I've been doing some research, and it seems _this_ park was built on top of some ancient grounds said to be the gateway to the underworld. The _underworld!_"

She lost interest after the word research and went back to playing her Game Slave. She waved a bee away from the screen. The bug kept insisting until she grabbed it with her bare hand and threw it in Dib's direction. Her lips curved upwards ever so slightly when the bee took it against Dib and stung its big head, especially when this attracted even more bees that flew went after him.

As she reached the fountain, Game Slave held tightly in her grip, she sensed a pleasant smell. She looked up and saw a beautiful flower in the middle of the grassy field. Uhg. Too colorful. She went back to playing when the scent changed from a pleasant floral aroma to molten cheese and pepperoni. She lifted her gaze again.

In place of the flower, there was a hot slice of pizza. Not any pizza, however. Bloaty's pizza. Her favorite. Gaz's mouth watered, her brown eyes opening like plates; as she stared at her prize, her Game Slave slipped from her hands. She _must_ get that slice before anyone else notices, forgetting momentarily that humanity was so stupid that they never noticed anything out of the ordinary. She made her way through the grassy plan and towards the pizza.

Before she could pick it up, however, it sunk back into the ground as a flaming crevice opened up in front of her, and from it came a giant snake-like beast with big mauve eyes and dark scales. She and the monster made eye contact for a few seconds before the creature opened its maw.

"GAZ!"

Dib cursed thrice as the creature ate his little sister, his _little sister_! He recognized as Zimkro, a guardian from the Underworld said to guard the entrance to keep the living from entering and the dead from leaving. And it just ate Gaz! He had to do something!

Thinking quickly, he grabbed a stick and aimed it at the beast's head. Ha! It struck its target! The moment of joy lasted little as the Zimkro swatted him away with its long tail, sending him right into the fountain just as it disappeared into the portal it came from, and the crevice disappeared along with it.

Dib emerged from the dirty water, gasping for air. "My sister was kidnapped by a monster!"

A nearby man pointed at him. "Hey, that kid is swimming in the fountain!" All heads whipped around to frown at Dib disapprovingly.

"Didn't you see-! That giant snake burst out from the ground and ate my little sister!"

"Look, mama, he's crazy!"

* * *

Zim paced around his throne room impatiently, his lekku twitching unconsciously. This happened whenever something bothered him, though he always claimed he did it on purpose. What was taking Zimkro so long? Zim wanted his Gaz-demon now!

"Look, mastah, I brought her more flowers!"

"GIR, a hyooman like her won't like flowers! She'd rather have that greasy life-sustaining matter called 'pizza'." Zim shivered in disgust. Of all food hyoomans had created, perhaps pizza was the one he found the most disgusting for containing both cheese _and_ meat. But Gaz-demon worshipped it, so he made sure to be stocked on it. He wasn't going to starve his future queen, after all.

"How about piggies?"

"That's…" Zim trailed off. "Actually not such a bad idea. She likes the 'piggy' from the pizza, so maybe she will like the pig. Cavernous, get a piggy!"

"**Master, there is no wildlife down here. The only living things that can bear this realm's conditions are GIR, the Zimkro and… well, you. In fact, I don't think bringing your 'girlfriend' down is a good idea **_**at all**_**.**"

"Nonsense, Zim's future queen will surely get used in no time! She likes darkness!"

"**You can't compare normal darkness with the one found here-**"

"Silence! I hear Zimkro returning!" Indeed, at that moment the flying snake burst through the wall, leaving yet another hole in its wake, and landed in front of Zim. "What are you waiting for? Give my bride to me!" He had to step back when Zimkro made regurgitating sounds; the last thing he wanted was to get another vomit bath just when he's about to meet his Gaz-demon. The last time it happened was then the Tallest came; they got a good laugh at it until Zimkro did it on top of _them_.

At last, Zimkro vomited Gaz unto the ground, then fled the scene as quickly as possible. It was wise enough to tell she would _not_ be happy. Even GIR, perhaps the dumbest creature in all of Creation, was smart enough to flee when Gaz got to her feet, coughing and wiping off all the saliva from her clothing. She glared around, looking for the perpetrator, but finding only a strange, green-skinned little man.

"Hello, Gaz-demon! I am Zim, supreme ruler of the Irken Underworld! I bid you welcome to my domain! I guess you're wondering what you're doing here," Zim started pacing around. "You are very fortunate, Gaz-demon, for I, the great Zim, have chosen you to be my bride so that you may worship the ground I walk on and tend to my mighty needs…!" He trailed off when he realized she wasn't paying any attention to him, instead, she had gone back to playing her portable entertainment device. "How dare you ignore Zim?!"

"Would you shut up? I'm in the last level and I'm about to face the final boss."

"Gaz-demon, did you hear to what I just said at all?!"

"Yeah, yeah, underworld ruler, you want me as your bride, blah, blah, blah. Where can I charge my Game Slave?"

Zim pouted at the game. This might sound ridiculous, but he felt jealous that Gaz paid more attention to that device than him, her intended husband and master. Perhaps this is what drove him to act like he did, and didn't realize what he had done until he found the broken pieces of the device right under his foot and Gaz's shocked expression twisted into an… Well, angry would be an understatement.

The atmosphere became darker, if it was even possible, as Gaz hissed venomously. "_I. Will. End. You_."

* * *

It took Dib twelve hours, but at last, he managed to get away from the Crazy House for Boys. It wasn't that hard, considering he had already been sent there a few times in the past already due to his paranormal studies or because his classmates thought he was crazier than normal, just like the last Halloween with the interdimensional thing.

Once he got home, he quickly made his way up to his room to contact his father through the computer. "_Ah, son! Good timing! I was about to finish this new earthquake-detector!_"

"Dad, something terrible happened! Gaz has been kidnapped by a giant underworld snake!"

His dad merely shook his head. "_Ah, my poor insane son. You've been reading too much para-science stuff again, haven't you?_"

"Dad, I'm serious! This thing just burst out of the ground and ate Gaz!"

"_Now, now, Dib, surely there's a logical explanation. Surely your sister went to a videogame convention and what you saw was an earthquake that swallowed up a snake._"

"No, dad, just-!"

"_Oh, I have to go, son! Duty calls. See you next week!"_

"Dad, wait-!" Too late. His father had already hung up. It was a little dumb calling him, considering he _never_ believed him.

He dialed a different number. The call was taken and the dark silhouette of a man with glowing red eyes appeared. "_Agent Mothman, it's been a while_."

"Agent Lizardtongue! My sister has been kidnapped by a giant snake from the Underworld!"

"_Calm down, agent Mothman. Tell me exactly what happened_." Dib took a deep breath and proceeded to explain what had transpired at the park, including a detailed explanation of the snake-like dragon that burst out of the ground in a fiery crevice, how it swallowed Gaz whole and came back the way it came from, sealing the crevice as it did so. "_I see... I think I might know just who took her. Are you aware of the... ancient gods?_"

"So Hades took her?"

"_Not _Hades_, though this god in question _is_ a god of the underworld. The Irken god Zim, specifically. He was banished to the underworld by the two leaders of the Irken pantheon because of his... destructive tendencies, under the pretense that he was being given a 'promotion'. Ever since he's been looking after the realm of the dead_."

"Why did he take my sister?!"

"_Well, according to old tomes, it does get lonely down there after hundreds of years, so perhaps he just wants some feminine company._"

Dib felt a shiver down his spine. He couldn't imagine his little sister stuck in some dark dungeon, surrounded by evil spirits in preparation to be wed to this monster. "How do I get to the Underworld?! I have to save her!"

Lizardtongue was thoughtful-at least he thought he was, it's hard to tell without seeing his face. "_I'll do some research and consult with other members. We'll call you when we've foudn something_." The call ended.


	3. Chapter 3

"**I didn't want to say I told you so, but **_**I told you so**_**.**"

"Silence!"

"I ate a monkeeey!"

Okay, things might have gotten a little out of hand. Ever since he broke the Game Slave thing, Gaz-demon unleashed her wrath not only on Zim but on her surroundings. So now most of the castle lay in smoking ruins, and Zim himself was almost completely encased in casts provided by GIR to make sure his mangled body wouldn't break any further. Afterward, Gaz locked herself inside an unscathed bedroom and wouldn't come out, much to Cavernous's relief.

And yet instead of being frightened beyond insanity, Zim was _grinning_. She was just like he imagined her, powerful and untameable, she was undoubtedly worthy of being his Queen… if he could get her to like him, that is.

"**Master, perhaps we should return her to the mortal realm.**"

"Never! Gaz-demon belongs to Zim now!"

"**Rather looks like the other way around.**"

"Okay, now that Gaz-demon is down here, I ought to start winning her affections. And for that, I will…" Zim trailed off when he realized he had no knowledge of the humans' courting methods.

"**Let me guess: you don't know what to do now.**" Cavernous sighed. Should have seen it coming. He did, actually, so he got ahead with the researching. "**Most hyooman courtship revolves around the male giving the female gifts such as flowers, chocolates and being scorned for numerous occasions.**" Zim was so deep into his thoughts he didn't hear him. "**Master?**"

"Wait, I know! I shall get the Gaz-demon a present! GIR, go get some flowers! Cavernous, get chocolates!" GIR yelled in excitement. Cavernous sighed in exasperation.

Sadly, Zim's tactic didn't yield the expected results. Every time he knocked the door, Gaz would only open up in order to throw whatever gift Zim was holding right back at his face, pummel him a few times, and then close the door shut again. Zim tried out different types of gifts: flowers, chocolate boxes, meat, shiny rocks, even the nasty pizza (on the bright side, this last one was thrown at him, but rather snatched away by Gaz, never to be seen again), but his intended mate never poked her head out of the room.

This tactic repeated endlessly for two weeks before Zim gathered whatever courage he had left and demanded that Gaz open the door. She did, but not in the way he wanted. Mental note, have Cavernous fix the Zim-shaped hole on the hallway.

"**Can we return her home now?**" Cavernous asked for the hundredth time. He already knew the answer, but an old castle can dream, right? Besides, he's tired of having to fix the aftermath of master's failed attempts at courting the hyooman.

"No!"

Shoot.

It's a good thing Zim is a god, otherwise, perhaps he might have died by now. His wounds healed in a matter of hours, but it didn't mean they didn't hurt as Tartarus. Besides, he had already acquired new injuries from his latest attempt at winning the Gaz-demon over. Ouch! "GIR!" He glared at his servant imp as after let his cast leg fall abruptly unto its cushion to chase after a fly, giggling in a child-like manner.

"**If you're want to continue courting the hyooman, why don't you at the very least ask somebody that ACTUALLY knows how this whole 'romance' thing works for advice?**"

"I am Zim! I need no help!"

That's what he had said, but in the end and after another failed courtship attempt that sent him to the brand-new infirmary, he ended up going to the Pool Mirror in a wheelchair, a deep, embarrassed frown on his face. The waved his hand, making the water ripple on its own until the blackness was replaced by the clear image of a tall irkenette clad in azure blue robes.

"_Zim?_" The Irkenette ceased her knitting and looked at him, her eyes wide. "_What on the Massive happened to you?_" This was Miyuki, Irken Goddess of love and marriage (who is additionally Tallest Red's wife, so don't even think about giving her hints).

"Greetings, my Tallest Miyuki!" Zim saluted with his good arm. "I had some… issues with trouble-making souls."

"**He got a crush on a female hyooman, kidnapped her and whenever she sees him she beats him into a pulp.**"

"Silence!"

Miyuki blinked. "_Wait, so you… _kidnapped _a female hyooman?_"

"Indeed! Your Almighty husband and Tallest Purple have given me permission to court the hyooman of my liking to be my Queen as a reward for my hard work!"

Miyuki sighed. She'd have a chat with Red later. "_Okay, Zim, I get it._" She had an idea as to what he wanted but decided to let him speak anyway.

"So I have picked a particular female, but as you can see, she's resisting a bit too much to Zim's romantic advances!"

"_Well, did you do something to make her mad?_"

"Of course not!"

"**He destroyed her gaming device**."

"Silence!" Zim's cheeks went dark green again. "Anyway, I was hoping you could perhaps offer some... advice to win over Gaz-demon's blood-pumping organ." Ow. That hurt.

Miyuki processed the information for a few minutes before giving her verdict. "_Okay, Zim, first of all, _kidnap _is not a good way to start a relationship._"

"**I told you so**!" Cavernous sang.

"Silence!"

"_And breaking a girl's stuff is the equivalent of a death sentence_."

"Silence!"

"**I didn't say anything**."

"You were going to!"

Miyuki coughed impatiently. "_Zim, the point is that you should try and right the wrong you did to her. Giving her random gifts she might not even like is not going to help your side of things. What you need is to make up for the pain you caused her_. _Get to actually know her, stalking people from afar and personally interacting with them are very different things._"

"How can I do that when she assaults my beautiful face whenever she sees me?!"

"_You could start by making up for breaking her… gaming device, right?_"

"**Yes.**"

"_There you have it: just get a new one for her. She's not going to forgive you in less than five minutes, but it should at least show that you _do _care about her feelings. That's all every woman wants in a partner._"

"**Ma'am, this hyooman has no heart, she's a monstrosity!**" Cavernous said. "**You'd agree with me if you had to fix every single hole and crevice she made in my walls! I swear, not even the Zimkro tears me down that often!**"

"Big deal, all you have to do is make them float back into place."

"**For your information-!**"

"_Okay, I think I'll leave you two to your... bickering_," Miyuki left her seat and cracked her knuckles. "_Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to have a talk with my husband_." That said, the image faded away and the water returned to its inky black color.

Zim moved his wheelchair around the room, pondering on the advice. What did he know about Gaz-demon? She's obsessed with the pizza advertised by the morbidly-obese pig, she hated her fellow hyoomans (the only exception seemed to be her male parental unit), she was an addict to the video-gaming thing he broke... Yeah, maybe getting her a new one would break the ice.

"GIR! Minimoose! Zimkro! Come to Zim!"

The first to arrive was Zimkro, who had casually been curled up on the roof just outside, all it had to do was burst through the wall, much to Cavernous's irritation. Then came GIR, who was eating a muffin, and then Minimoose, a different imp variety with a mild resemblance to the earthen creature known as 'moose', which gave him his name. Additionally, he only communicated through squeaking, but thankfully Zim was fluent in the imp language.

Once all his minions had gathered before him, Zim said. "I have a mission for you."

"Yes, my master!"

"Squeak!"

*Snort*

"You will go to the mortal realm and get another gaming device for Gaz-demon!"

"Squeak!"

"Which one...? How should I know?! I don't even like hyooman technology! Cavernous, what kind of gaming devices do hyoomans have?"

"**Most of them require a TV to use, which we don't have, but hers clearly was of the portable variety. The most popular one is known as Game Slave, and currently, there is a new version coming out.**"

"There, go get the new Game Slave and bring it back! Minimoose, you are in charge!"

"Squeak!"

Zimkro swallowed bot GIR and Minimoose and flew through the wall, disappearing into a small explosion his fireball provoked. "**Would it kill that creature to go through the window for once?**"

* * *

It had been one month already, and still no sign of Gaz or any clue as to where he could start looking for a way down to the Underworld. In the meantime, while waiting for any call from the Swollen Eyeball network, Dib did some research of his own regarding Ancient Irken mythology.

Apparently, ZIM was the youngest child of the two irken leaders, created by accident when they put hot chili, bubble gum and a nail inside a thundercloud to see what happened, culminating in an explosion from which ZIM was born. Ever since his birth, ZIM had caused lots of trouble for the Irken pantheon, on one occasion he caused the destruction of Pompeii by making the volcano near it erupt because he threw a tantrum. Eventually, his 'fathers' got sick of it and sent him to the Underworld to get rid of his destructive tendencies, telling him he was being given a realm of his own to rule.

More of a reason he had to save Gaz! Who knows what kind of terrible tortures that monster was putting his little sister through!

On the bright side, dad had noticed Gaz's absence and had all the U.S. Army, the FBI looking for her, he even built a machine that could locate missing people in a range of an entire continent. It wasn't exactly working like he wanted, though. It _did_ find missing people, but not Gaz, probably because she was in a magical realm that might as well be another dimension of some sorts. Dad, of course, didn't listen and merely continued to make adjustments to the machine.

His computer rang. Finally! Dib jumped from the bed and pressed the button to take the call. "About time! Do you have anything!"

"_We've been discussing your situation, agent Mothman, and we think we might be able to tell you in which direction to go._" The screen changed to a photo depicting a tall hill on the edge of the city. "_This hill has been associated with ancient pagan rituals. If you find the ritual site, you should be able to open the gateway into the Underworld._"

Dib quickly made his way to say hill, located on Birtick park, a few hours away. It's a good thing Dad had built a teleporter in his laboratory! This saved Dib five hours of traveling by bus and taxis. He was teleported to the bottom of the hill and started climbing all the way up there. At the top of the hill, he found a circular formation of stones made by ancient cults to worship pagan deities in the old days, just like Agent Lizardtongue said.

"Okay, now, how to open the gateway...? Lizardtongue mentioned something about some runes..."

The ground started to tremble. Dib reacted quickly and jumped out of the way just as a flaming crevice opened up in the spot he had been standing on seconds ago. Zimkro's long, dark frame emerged from the depths of the abyss with a loud roar. Dib froze for a few seconds before he jumped to his feet and managed to grab unto Zimkro's tail as it flew towards the city.


	4. Chapter 4

Zimkro is quite the… peculiar creature. Instead of having a person ride on his back, he swallowed them and housed them safely inside his stomach during the whole trip; once they got to their destination, he'd vomit his 'rider' back out. The only bad thing about this method was that the victim-err, rider often ended up covered in the animal's vomit when expelled. Additionally, Zimkro has a unique way to camouflage. His scales had mirror-like qualities that turned him practically invisible when heated, or with the proper armor, he could shift his body into a vehicle to pass off as a car, plane or anything.

Another interesting fact is that somehow he always finds his way to the intended destination even if he has never been there, so as soon as he flew out of the portal he made his way towards the city's shopping mall. Midday there, he felt an additional weight on his tail and looked back to find a human with an abnormally large head clinging for dear life. Zimkro shrieked. He hated stowaways. Before going to the shopping mall he got rid of the hyooman pest by tossing it towards a garbage truck.

Zimkro flew around the parking lot, and upon finding all the places were occupied, lifted a green, luxurious-looking car and threw it aside to make space for himself. Upon landing, he vomited GIR and Minimoose unto the before curling up and transforming into a van. GIR and Minimoose looked around curiously; both were wearing crudely made disguises of a green dog and a flying squirrel respectively.

The shopping mall was crowded with people doing last-minute shopping for the holidays. GIR, in particular, was in complete awe at every single, stupidest thing around him. What he lacked in smarts he had in curiosity, after all, which is why Minimoose had to keep an eye on him. There were lots of shops around them. It would take them too long to go into each one at once, so GIR went to a nearby hyooman and asked where they could get the 'mini screen with levers and buttons to play', as he put it.

The guard didn't even seem fazed by the talking dog. "Ah, you're looking for a videogame store? Upstairs to the right. I'd hurry up if I were you, though. Game Slave 2 is coming out, and everybody's crazy to get it."

GIR and Minimoose made their way to the upper floors of the mall through the electric stairs, but the former got distracted with it and was soon sliding down and coming up again in an endless cycle until Minimoose dragged him away from the stairs. Sadly, very few steps GIR would lose track and get distracted with things such as flies, kids throwing tantrums to their parents, or any shape that resembled a piggy. In the end, Minimoose gave up and went to the store on his own.

Just like the hyooman said, the line to get to the game store was ridiculously long. Everyone was out to buy the Game Slave 2 before it ran out. The good thing is that Minimoose is very patient, and so he waited for hours as the line diminished little by little. By five pm, he finally reached the end of the line, only to realize he didn't have any money. Guess he'd have to use that old trick.

The desk attendant stared at him with disinterest. "You want the Game Slave 2? It's five thousand dollars. Leave it or take it." The good thing about being a supernatural imp is that this comes with certain abilities. In Minimoose's case, he has the ability to create realistic illusions for a certain period of time. In this case, he passed a bunch of dead leaves as a bundle of money. The attendant didn't even suspect as he handed over the packaged game. Heck, it was heavy!

Just as Minimoose was leaving the store, a kid whose name was Iggins rushed past him and towards the desk. "I came for the Game Slave 2! Where is it, I must have it!"

"Sorry, kiddo, but I just sold the last one to a flying squirrel."

Uh-oh. Minimoose knew he had to run when the kid turned to him with a murderous glare.

**X0X**

Okay, Dib, it couldn't have gone too far. Where would a giant flying snake go to? From the direction it flew to, either it went to the shopping mall or the city stadium, and since there weren't any big games coming up until September, the only viable option would be the shopping mall. But the traffic jam was terrible when he tried to go by taxi, and then he took the wrong route and ended up on the wrong side of the city, so it took him a few hours to get to the shopping mall. And much to his dismay, there were no signs of the snake anywhere. Guess it had used some sort of magic to hide.

Oh, well, if he could not find it, at least he could take a break until it decided to reappear. He went to the nearby Starbucks coffee shop and bought a black coffee. To his delightful surprise, soon after a green 'dog' walked into the shop, eating a cone of ice cream. To his dismay, nobody gave him a second look and merely minded on their business. Hopefully, if this creature was who he thought he was, then he'd learn where that Irken menace was keeping his sister.

Cautiously, Dib went to sit in the dog's table. "Hi, there!" the dog greeted in a friendly manner.

"Hello," Dib responded, trying to sound as casual as possible. "Are you a talking dog?"

"Yup!"

"That's… interesting. Where do you come from?"

"I come from a nice underground big house! It has lots of flying piggies and trees and a long swimming pool with water that runs on its own! I live there with master!"

"I see. And who is your master?"

"He's the greatest king of the underworld!"

"Is his name casually 'Zim'?"

"Yup!"

Bingo! Putting aside that weird moment when the dog threw confetti at his face, Dib asked. "Right. So what are you doing here?"

"Oh, yeah! Master broke his scary girlfriend's toy and she's mad at him, so he sent me and Minimoose to get another one so she won't be angry anymore."

"Wait, he broke her Game Slave?" Dib couldn't believe it. If that was the case, how come Zim was still alive? The last person who made a scratch on her console was never heard from again. Then again, Zim is a god of death. He's probably immortal.

"Yea. Minimoose is getting a new one now!"

"Hey, if I wanted to visit your master, what would I have to do?"

The green dog snatched his coffee, took a sip, spat it out, and then started drinking it again. "That information is classified, mortal." Its voice sounded deeper and serious.

"Come on, tell me and you can have my coffee!"

The ominous air disappeared. "Okay!" he pointed vaguely pointed in direction of the hill. "See that big hill over there? You just have to go there and make drawings on the rocks to open the door."Drawings…? Maybe he meant some kind of symbols. He'd have to do some more research.

At that moment, a sort of flying squirrel hurried into the café, carrying a Game Slave 2 in its tiny moose antlers. It squeaked hurriedly and glanced back a few times. The green dog greeted it and blew a black whistle. To Dib's astonishment, one of the cars parked outside shifted and transformed into the same flying snake from before. The creature burst through the wall, swallowed the two bizarre animals and flew the way back from where it came.

Dib stared at the hole for a few seconds." Let me guess, nobody saw that, right?" Indeed, most of the customers were distracted watching a wrestling match on the TV. Dib yelled and threw his cardboard vase to the ground.

That _did_ attract their attention. "Hey, that kid spilled coffee on the ground!"

* * *

Okay, Zim, you can do this. All you have to do is knock the door and offer the new Game Slave to your bride. That's easier said than done, however, considering he still had his injuries from the last time. He wouldn't admit it even to himself, but he was terrified of her temper. He tried to delay it, first by scolding Zimkro for bursting through the wall again, and GIR and Minimoose for taking too long, then wiping off Zimkro's digestive juices from the portable device. Hopefully, it was still inside the box, so the product itself wasn't ruined.

Eventually, Zim made his way to the doors of Gaz's chambers, but rather than knocking, he cried out. "Gaz-demon! I am Zim, your future husband!" No reply. He stepped back from the door slightly, just in case she tried to hurt him again. "I have a present for you!" He thought for a few seconds. "It's to make up for breaking your portable gaming device!"

That seemed to elicit a reaction. He heard footsteps approaching from behind the door. Gaz flung it open. "What?" She asked with venom in her voice. There was a deep frown in her face.

Zim gulped internally and held out the wrapped up box. Gaz raised an eyebrow, took the package and removed the dark, colorless paper. All hostility and irritation vanished as she stared at the brand new Game Slave 2 in her hands. Her eyes were wide open, like two perfect spheres, allowing Zim to take a glimpse into those lovely brown eyes. Guess this meant she liked it. Wait, she liked it? His confidence returned tenfold.

"As you can see, my loyal minions risked their lives to bring an enhanced version of your gaming device. Aren't I amazing?"

Gaz looked up at her 'intended'. She had to say, she didn't expect this from him. From the first impression she got of him, he looked like a big egomaniac, which was further confirmed by the limited but constant attempts at interaction on his part. She couldn't believe what she was going to say, but… "...Thank you." Mental note: wash her mouth later.

"Ha! Well, now that that's taken care of- Hey, don't ignore Zim again!" Too late. His Gaz-demon had already turned on the device and started playing. It took him every single ounce of willpower not to snatch it and break it. He wasn't stupid enough to make the same mistake twice. "What's the big deal with that little device, anyway?!"

"What? You mean you've never played a video game in your life?" Gaz asked, genuinely surprised.

"Of course not! I am the King of the Underworld! My Tallest count on me to keep the dead in check and I have no time to be goofing around with a brain-washing device!"

"You have no idea of what you're missing. Video games are a form of art: squashing your enemies mercilessly while imagining they are the annoying people you hate."

"Enough of veedeo games, Gaz-demon!" Zim yelled. "Now that I have replaced your little device, you shall go out on a date with Zim!"

Gaz rolled her eyes. She couldn't help but find it amusing that he thought he could order her around like that just because she actually liked this gift. Under normal circumstances, she would have torn his heart (or whatever its equivalent was) out of his chest and torn it in half before his eyes. This time, however, she couldn't bring herself to. He _had_ gone out of his way to make up for the bad time… though he was the one who caused it in the first place. Besides, he was the first person who had the guts to actually ask her out. Nobody else did, in part because she made sure nobody would want to.

Mmm… Perhaps she would accept the offer this once. But not before she had a little fun first. "Tell you what. If you can beat the first level, I'll accept your offer."

"Deal!" Zim snatched the Game Slave and held it upside down. "How does this device work?"

"You're the 'King of the Underworld', aren't you? I'm pretty sure you'll figure it out." Gaz smirked and closed the door.

Zim just stood there, dumbstruck, for two hours before he sighed dreamily. What a woman! First level? He'd finish the entire thing if it meant she'd accept to go out on a date with him. "Cavernous! How does this thing work?"

"_**Do I look like an instruction manual?**_"

Zim muttered and grabbed the instruction booklet from the box. It's just a little entertainment device. It couldn't be that hard to use, right?

* * *

**I gave Iggins a cameo in the chapter as a reference to the Episode. A good thing Minimoose managed to escape unscathed, right?**


	5. Chapter 5

**Okay, things will start getting interesting from this point on. I'm aware that Gaz wouldn't be the... well, 'normal' type of girlfriend. I mean, their relationship would be unique in that sense that they show love in different manners. **

* * *

Dib spent the whole night looking for the symbols GIR had mentioned, but he didn't find much about Irken symbology, since they were considered to be figments of ancient humans' imagination to explain phenomena like rain, the seasons, etcétera. The closest thing he could find was runes in an old plate, but thanks to his father's archaeological restorer he was able to fix it enough to identify a proper symbol. It resembled the omega symbol with a long line in the middle.

With symbol in hand, Dib returned to the Mystic Hill at three A.M, the hour where the line between the worlds of the living and death became thin, according to his research. He made his way to the circular formation of rocks from which the snake had emerged. Okay, now try it out. Dib grabbed a sharp stone and carved he symbol in the central stone. Nothing happened at first, but then the symbol started to glow and the ground beneath it transformed into a rocky staircase that descended into the bowels of the earth.

"Yes!" Dib did a little victory dance and made his way downstairs.

After the first ten meters, everything became pitch black. A good thing he brought a flashlight. However the deeper he went, the darker it became, eventually engulfing the torch's light and causing Dib to trip and roll the rest of the way down for half an hour.

"Damn it, why couldn't this Zim guy put an elevator." Dib groaned in pain as he managed to get back on his feet, finding himself in a misty, gloomy underground realm. There were green torches showing the way down a rocky path. Guess that's the way to Zim's palace.

Dib walked for another half-an-hour until he came across a deep, dark river with a strong current. He picked up a rock and threw it. A creature's head burst out of the water and ate it. Nop, swimming was out of the question. He made his way alongside the edge of the water until he came to a dock with a long line of people. At least, at first sight, he thought they were people until he came closer. Then he realized these figures were translucent, and some of them looked in gruesome situations. Then he remembered this was the realm of the dead.

"Excuse me, is this the way to cross?" Dib asked a man with an ax embedded on his head.

"Oh, yeah. You gotta wait will the boatman arrives, and then she decides if you're worthy of crossing over."

"How does she do that?"

The man shrugged. "Beats me. Guess she only lets people she likes on board. Oh, here she comes! Go to the end of the line, boy!"

"But I have to cross! My sister's been kidnapped by Zim!"

A drenched lady. "Kid, we don't care if you're going to save the president of Earth, we've been waiting for two days and we just want to be done with it as soon as possible!" She pointed at the end of the line. "Off with you!"

Dib ignored her and ran unto the docks, earning angry yells and protests from the other people. The boatman, an old woman clad in black, parked the old wooden ferry in the dock. He couldn't believe it. "Miss Bitters?!"

The skool teacher raised an eyebrow. "Oh, great. Just when I thought I'd never see your big head ever again."

"What are you doing here?"

"Cholesterol, Dib. Now move out of the way!"

"Miss Bitters, wait! I need to cross! My sister has been kidnapped by Zim and I have to save her!" The rest of the people started protesting. "Oh, shut up!"

"Oh, you poor little Dib. Don't you want some biscuits and a glass of milk while you're on it?" Miss Bitters hissed like a snake. "I don't care if the King of England was kidnapped, you will form a line like everyone else."

"But-!"

"Off with you!" Dib was grabbed from behind by the person at the front and carried all the way to the start of the line, which was five kilometers long until he was finally dropped unceremoniously to the ground.

"Great. My sister kidnapped, dad doesn't believe me, my old skool teacher is the ferryman. What's next?" The child in front of him turned out to be septuplets, and each took a spot at the end, forcing him to step back. "You have to be fucking kidding me!"

* * *

"Curse you, level 1! CURSE YOUUUU!"

"_**Master, the new arrivals**_-"

"Just tell them to wait! I'm busy!"

"_**I've already told them that twenty times, master. If this goes on, they might break out of the Underworld and wreak havoc on the surface**_."

"So what?"

"_**Well, it **_**is** _**your job to keep that from happening.**_"

Zim merely shrugged. "They're dead, they can wait forever for all I care! I'm not moving from here until I can pass the first level!"

Cavernous only sighed. Zim had locked himself in his room with the Game Slave 3 and refused to move from there. He managed to finally learn how to use the device, but his impatience and short temper prevented him from passing the first part of the first level. He had already broken three chairs, ten jars and a pillar in frustration. Cavernous had the feeling the Gaz-hyooman knew from the beginning that Zim would never be able to go past the first level, which meant she wouldn't have to date him.

There was a knock on the door. "Leave Zim alone! I'm very busy!"

"It's me."

Zim instantly jumped from his bed and rushed to open the door. "Gaz-demon! How nice of you to come to see Zim! I guess you were worried about me since I've spent lots of time on the first level, and you got impatient for our date."

Gaz raised an eyebrow. "Actually, I was worried the game might have run out of juice, which would mean I'd have to recharge it and spend two hours without playing, but now that we're on it, do you have any pizza?"

"GIR! Bring pizza to the Gaz-demon!"

"And what do you eat?"

"Me? HA! Irken gods don't need to eat to sustain their bodies! Eating is just a way to spend time and taste pleasant flavors. Besides, only the Tallest can eat snacks. It's a luxury only they can have."

"Why?"

"Why, because they are the Tallest, of course!"

That sounds dumb. At that moment, GIR arrived with the dish she asked for. Gaz took a bite. Not bad! Not as good as Bloaty's, but it was still delicious. She held out the bitten piece to Zim. "Try it out."

Zim stared at the piece of dough covered in cheese and pieces of meat. "Zim doesn't eat earthen food, Gaz-demon!"

"Have you ever tried it?"

"Of course not!"

"Then how do you know you don't like it?"

Wow. She was smart. Then again, perhaps this might be a good chance to get his date without having to keep playing that stupid level over and over again. "If I taste this… pizza, will you go on a date with Zim?"

Gaz sighed. "Okay. If you try it, I'll go on a date with you." She hadn't finished when Zim snatched the entire slice and shoved it into his mouth. His hands covered his mouth, his lekku went straight and his left eye was twitching. The idiot didn't cool it down first.

GIR joined in. "Oh, master making funny faces! I wanna play too!"

Zim tried his best not to spit the greasy thing out. It was so hot that it was burning his tongue! With considerable effort, Zim managed to gulp the entire slice. Urgh! "Ahh! My throat!" He clutched his neck, forcing it down as a shiver ran down his spine. By the time the experience was over, Zim felt his eyes humid. Oh, no, not in front of the Gaz-demon! "_Happy now_?" he managed to ask.

It impressed Gaz that he hadn't puked already. "I guess so."

"VICTORY FOR ZIM!" Wow. Did he recover that fast? "Now you have no choice but to go out on a date with me!"

Gaz found herself surprisingly indifferent to that. "Okay, then. What do you have in mind?"

"We will…" Zim paused, his mood dropping considerably when he realized he hadn't really thought of what to do in the actual date. "Cavernous, what do hyoomans do on dates?!"

"_**It really depends on the people involved. Some go to the movies, others go to dinner, or stay at home and do… well, stuff they both want to do. The basic idea is to spend 'quality time' together**_."

"So you ask me out on a date and you don't know what you're supposed to do in one?" Gaz asked, rather annoyed. "You really _are_ something, Zim."

"Silence!"

Gaz snorted. "Okay, since you have no idea of what to do on a date, why don't we play some videogames? You could say it counts."

"Does it, Cavernous?"

"_**Seriously, do I look like an encyclopedia?**_"

"Oh, I wanna play!" GIR cried happily.

"That's my offer, Zim. Leave it or take it."

Zim muttered under his breath. No one, _no one_, ordered him around like that! Only the Tallest could do that! And yet he found it attractive that she had the guts to do precisely that. Finally, he puffed out his chest confidently. "Very well, Gaz-demon! I accept your offer of a videogame date!"

So they had Cavernous set up a sort of gaming room in Gaz's own. She insisted on this, mostly because she wanted to have her device available whenever she felt like it, _and_ keep it away from GIR and Zim's hands when she was not around. She _never_ made the same mistake twice. They set a magical, watery-like surface which would act as a screen, which Gaz would connect her game slave to through the wi-fi so the screen's contents would be played in the larger one. That way she wouldn't have Zim constantly leaning in to see what was going on. Additionally, this version of the Game Slave had two controllers.

Zim showed little to no interest in the beginning until he succeeded in his first mission in _World of Warcraft_. He _loved_ winning. He had no idea Gaz had actually let him win until he got the better hang of it, after which she wiped the virtual floor with him. Zim demanded rematch after rematch until he rage quitted. Gaz smirked in amusement at his childish tendencies.

They tested different games for a good while, most of them dark with constant killing. There were certain games, though, that got Zim screaming every five minutes, such as _Silent Hill, Resident Evil _and the _Fatal Frame_ series. "Crybaby," Gaz muttered.

"That scary lady with the twisted neck was going to get Zim!" the Irken pointed at the screen.

"It's supposed to look like it, Zim. That's the best part of this series. Besides, the God of the Underworld can handle a few ghosts, right? From what I've seen, you deal with literal specters every day."

"But they didn't try to attack me!"

Gaz rolled her eyes and continued with _Fatal Frame 3_, ignoring Zim's whimpers and yells.

"_**Master**_?"

"WHAT?!" Zim yelled, covering his eyes shut a yet another ghost in the game attacked.

"_**Another group of souls has arrived**_."

"Again with that? I told you, tell them to-LOOK OUT! AAAH!" This time, Zim jumped behind the couch when the _Kusabi_ attacked.

"_**I insist that you should deal with the issue now before it gets out of hand. The Tallest-**_"

"Gave me permission to court the Gaz-demon! Now quit bugging me and tell those dead hyoomans to go away!"

Seriously, why did he insist on trying to save his master from the fire? Cavernous guessed it was in his 'programming'. After all, if Zim got fired he'd cease to exist. "_**One more thing: apparently, a living hyooman has found its way in.**_"

"Living hyooman? HA! I'd like to see them try!"

"_**I'm serious. It was seen in the Styx causing trouble, claiming that his 'sister' was kidnapped.**_"

Gaz paused the game. "Dib," she growled.

"There's another male in your life?" Zim asked, feeling vindicated. "Who is he?! I will kill him!"

"Chill out, it's just my stupid brother thinking I'm a sort of 'damsel in distress' that needs saving."

Oh, right, she had a brother. He had seen him before during his 'research'. "The one with the big head?"

"That one."

"_**Mm, hello? What should we do about Dib, Pit or whatever he's called?**_"

"Send Zimkro to deal with him, that's what he's for!" A roar coming from the ceiling and the sound of wings flapping let them know the creature had departed. "Okay, and now DON'T disturb me unless it's something _important_!"

"_**Doing your job **_**is** _**important as far as I know**_"

"Zim doesn't pay you to contradict me!"

Cavernous muttered. "_**You don't pay me **_**at all**

"SILENCE!"

* * *

Three. Hours. For three long, boring hours he had been standing in the damn line. He was surprised he hadn't died of boredom... or he did and was yet to figure it out. At long last, Dib reached the end of the line, looking like he hadn't slept in a week. Who knows? According to research, time was slower here in the Underworld. What felt like hours could be days on the surface.

He was partly worried about the 'selection process'. He had seen a few people... Okay, most of the people get rejected and doomed to stay on this side of the river forever, without rest or peace. That was the idea, but judging by how the people had set up camps and seemed pretty indifferent about it, this wasn't much of a punishment.

At least he arrived at the end of the line, where he had to wait until Miss Bitters returned from ferrying the septuplets to the other side. "Okay, Miss Bitters, can you take me across the river now?"

"Are you dead?"

"What? No, I-!"

"Then the answer is no. Next!"

Dib gaped. "What?! You can't do that!"

"If you read the rules," Miss Bitters pointed at a sign with Irken writing on it. "You'd know there's a strict policy that bans living people from coming into the Underworld before their time."

"Hey, that wasn't even there before! L-Look, you have to let me through! I have to save my sister!"

"Then get a rope and look for a tree."

Before Dib could protest any further, a loud roar echoed through the realm just as a long tail struck him, sending him flying against a nearby pillar. "What the...?" Dib rubbed his head painfully. He managed to get back on his feet just as the Zimkro landed right in front of him. Dib flinched at the sight of its sharp teeth, especially since it was salivating. "Err..." he laughed nervously. "Nice... snake?"

Zimkro roared.

* * *

***Reference to _The Book of Life_, in which the protagonist's grandmother dies from this.**

** *Broken Neck lady from _Fatal Frame_ videogame series. Very scary games, but with interesting storylines.**


	6. Chapter 6

**It's been a while since I updated this one, and I apologize. With all that work on my final project for my degree from the college, I didn't have much time to work on this one. On the good side: I OFFICIALLY FINISHED COLLEGE! Yaay for meee!**

**Anyway, while I look for a job I'll have plenty of free time to write, so thankfully I can finish this one now. Enjoy!**

* * *

Life for an Irken deity was good. It was particularly good for the two leaders of the Irken pantheon, who did little other than enjoy snacks and tormenting the inferior hyoomans. Nowadays it was funnier to target the 'skeptical' ones, thus causing to have a mid-life crisis that often drove them to suicide.

If there was something that could make this even better, it was the fact that they had heard nothing from Zim ever since they gave him permission to court the female hyooman. No more incessant cries of 'my Tallest', no more giant lizards bursting through the walls and leaving giant holes, no more vomit on their pristine floor.

"You know, Red, you don't usually have many good ideas, but this one was _very_ good indeed!" Purple chuckled as he munched unto some doughnuts.

"Excuse me? You're the one whose ideas suck!" Red retorted.

"Oh, yeah? Name one."

"Putting that stuff in the thundercloud was your idea if I recall. And that is what created Zim in the first place."

"You didn't try to stop me either!"

Red rolled his eyes. "And there's that time you told Zim that the cheese puff you discarded was a source of magical power and he ended up causing a big explosion in the courtyard."

"Hey, how was I supposed to know he could mess up even THAT?"

Red gave his co-leader a skeptical look. "Purple, if he could wipe out Pompeii when he was a smeet, I think it's evident he can turn _anything_ into a weapon and have it blow up in our faces!"

"A pity, he _used_ to be cute until the Pompeii incident. Think he would have been less destructive if we used flowers instead of a chili?"

"I think he would still have turned out the same even if we used 'sugar, spice and everything nice'." Red murmured as he munched on a doughnut.

"**Masters, there's an issue that requires your immediate attention.**"

"Does it involve snacks?"

"**No.**"

"Then let someone else handle it," Purple said in-between munching on some nachos.

"**Trust me, sir, you'll want to see this.**"

The doors burst open and something that looked like it came out of a nightmare came in. A ghost in a white dress with empty eye sockets was moving right towards them. Both Tallest screamed, with Purple additionally jumping into his co-Tallest's lap, wrapping his arms around his neck. Red was the first to recover and vanquished the entity with a snap of his fingers.

"What on Irk was that?!"

"How am I supposed to know?!"

Miyuki walked hurriedly into the room, followed by a few other taller Irkens, all of them looking scared out of their wits. "My Tallest, this is a nightmare! We're being invaded by ghosts!"

Purple gulped. "G-Ghosts?"

"Wait a minute, what do you mean by 'ghosts'? You mean the 'bodiless energy of a dead person' thingie?"

Skrang, the Irken god of knowledge and wisdom, nodded his head frantically. "Yes, my Tallest!"

"And what the hell are they doing up here?! Aren't they supposed to be on Earth haunting the hyoomans and not us?!"

"Usually that's the case, my Tallest, but apparently there's an overpopulation of ghosts, wraiths, and spirits on Earth, so they started leaking to other realms, including ours."

"Overpopulation?" Miyuki repeated, incredulous. "How is that even possible?"

"You see, whenever a person dies, their spirit goes down to the Underworld, where its ruler must judge it and send it to its corresponding area, from where they can never escape. However, if he fails to do this, the ghosts start accumulating to the point it's very hard to keep track of the mall and they start 'leaking' into the living world, and eventually into our realm."

"In other words, Zim is not doing his job," Miyuki concluded. She frowned at Red and Purple.

Red felt a shiver down his spine. He _hated_ when she looked at him like that. "What?"

"Zim's neglecting his duty because he spends most of his time courting that hyooman because _you two _told him he could. In other words, this is partly _your_ responsibility too."

"But come on, he has not shown his face around here since then!" Purple protested.

"My Tallest, with all due respect, I don't think that is worth being overrun by impure hyooman spirits," Skrang said.

"Fine! We'll fix this!" Red took a deep breath before yelling. "Tak!"

A flash of green and violet slithered through the room almost at the speed of light, stopping right in front of both Tallest. Tak, child of Tallest Purple, created in a similar process to Zim, except the ingredients used for her were pepper, lighting and a bit of dark chocolate. The result was an agile, fiercely loyal and powerful irken goddess who was strongly devoted to her leaders.

"How may I serve my Tallest?" she asked, bowing down.

"Go fetch Zim and bring him here, now!" Red snapped, pointing at the floor in the vague direction of the Underworld.

"Permission to use force?"

"Granted." Purple finished, clenching his fist and imagining he was holding Zim's head.

"It will be done, my Tallest." That said, Tak vanished the same way she had come.

"You know, we _really_ should give her that promotion we promised her one of these days," Purple commented as soon as she was out of earshot.

"You _promised_ her a promotion?" Miyuki raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms.

"Hey, Tak's actually earned it…" Red looked pensive for a moment. "As soon as we think of something she could be a goddess of, that is."

* * *

"Victory for Zim!"

Gaz rolled her eyes. "And it only took you two hundred and five attempts." She finally placed her controller aside to glance at the window. "Think that the mutant snake will kill Dib?" It wasn't out of concern, but rather because it would mean he'd come down here if he did, in turn meaning that he'd annoy her with his presence _again_.

Zim didn't hear her question. He was too busy celebrating his newest victory at _Super Mario Kart_, though when the newest rush of adrenaline-like happiness ran out, he felt curious about the Dib-hyooman's state. "Cavernous! Is the Zimkro done with the Dib-beast!"

"_**It appears that this… hyooman **_**somehow** _**managed to escape from Zimkro. Not only that, but apparently he clung to Zimkro's tail as it was coming back. It dropped him right outside, and now he's trying to get past the door.**_"

Damn it. "Curse you, Zimkro!" Zim threw his controller unto his bed. "If you want something done right, do it yourself!" He looked up at the ceiling. "Cavernous, kick him out!"

"**You** _**kick him out! I've been trying to tell you for the past two hours and you didn't listen.**_" Was the reply.

Zim muttered something under his breath. He snapped his fingers. Dark tendrils crawled up his body and materialized into his coat."Gaz-demon, do you mind if I go pummel the Dib-beast?"

"Be my guest. Just don't kill him or he'll come down here." Gaz said simply as she continued with the game.

"You know, if he does, I could send him to Tartarus."

"Is that hell?"

"Sort of."

Gaz considered it for a moment. "Send him there if possible."

Zim saluted. "Cavernous, cater to my Gaz-demon's needs while I'm gone!"

"_**Fine. Just so you know, though, the hyooman somehow managed to make his way inside."**_

Zim left the room and stomped his way down the hallway, already muttering under his breath, cursing the Dib-beast for interrupting his video game date with the Gaz-demon. He was halfway into the main corridor when a sudden flash of purple and green landed in front of him, knocking him to the ground with great force.

Zim quickly jumped back to his feet, looking around for the perpetrator. "Who dares to knock the great Zim to the ground?!" He recognized the taller female Irken in front of him. "_Tak_!"

Tak took a quick look at Zim. "How _bad_ to see you too, Zim. I see you're still as foolish as the last time I saw you."

"Get out of my castle! Why did you come uninvited to _my_ realm?!"

"Ah, Zim, I don't know what you did this time… Rather, what you _didn't_ do this time, but the Tallest are _pissed_. I have orders to bring you back for judgment."

"You lie! Liar!"

Tak sighed. "I don't care if you believe me or not. I have permission to use force on you if necessary."

Zim panicked internally. Tak was more powerful than him; probably a mistake on the Tallest's part when they created her. He better distract her. "Look, there's something an Irken would like!"

Tak raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms. "You are even more foolish than last time."

Okay, plan B. "GIR! SAVE YOUR MASTER!"

GIR burst out of the nearest door. "PIGGIES!" He threw a great pile of said animals on top of Tak.

Zim took advantage of the diversion to flee down the hall and into this throne room. Once there, he barricaded the door with planks. OKay, that should stall her for some time. Now to deal with the Dib-beast.

Speak of the devil, the main doors leading outside opened, and in came the Dib-hyooman with tattered clothing and lots of scratches, bite marks and bruises all over his body. "Finally! Now I can go find the-!"

Both froze in their spots as their gazes met for the first time. Zim recovered first from the shock. "How dare you come into Zim's realm uninvited, Dib-beast?!" he yelled.

"Where is my sister, you monster?!" Dib snapped.

"Gaz-demon is currently waiting for me to return after dealing with you. So do me a favor and be gone so I can go back with my bride!"

"I won't let you hurt my little sister, Zim!"

"HA! And what are you going to do, Dib-beast? I am Zim, the god of the Irken Underworld, bringer of doom and death-! AHHH, IT BURNS!" Zim collapsed to the floor as the Dib shot a stream of dark, sticky liquid at him. Human-made soda had a burning effect on Irken deities for some reason. It burned their skin like a powerful acid.

Dib took advantage of the distraction and rushed to the barricaded door meant to keep Gaz locked in. Before he could start removing the planks the doors were thrown open, sending the planks flying everywhere. Another Irken, this one a female with purple eyes, stood there, fuming. She was covered in colorful streamers and muffin crumbs.

It took her a while, but she managed to get away from the crazy Imp when it fired a 'muffin party cannon' at her. Hearing a commotion coming from the throne room, she burst through the door. "ZIM, WAIT UNTIL I PUT MY HANDS ON YOU-!" She froze when she saw the human in front of her.

A _breathing, living_ human.

Her scowl turned into a malicious sneer. "Oh, the Tallest are _so_ going to like this."

"Stay back, whoever you are!" Dib aimed his other soda can at the irkenette, but she merely tilted her head to the side to avoid the stream. Oh, fuck, this was his last can.

Tak snapped her fingers, creating long, dark tendrils that wrapped around Dib's body and held him firmly in place. She glanced at Zim, chuckling. "You let a living human into the Underworld. I just can't wait to see-"

Zim didn't hear her, he was too busy rolling on his carpet, trying to get the burning liquid off him. "AAAH, IT BURNS!"

"I can't wait to see-"

"IT BURNS THE BEAUTIFUL FACE OF ZIM! AAAH!"

"I can't wait-!"

"MINIMOOSE, MAKE IT STOP!"

Tak's eye twitched.


	7. Chapter 7

**Sorry for not updating this one in a while. I focused quite more on SOP and Indokani because I got a bit delayed since my vacation in Orlando. We're only one more chapter to go, hopefully. **

**I hope the chapter is worth the wait.**

* * *

** Zim's Mythology of Doom**

**Chapter 7**

* * *

"Red?"

"What is it?"

"I'm seeing dead people."

"It's the Underworld, Purple. Of course, there are dead people everywhere."

Traditionally, the _Massive_'s courtroom holds trials against Irken deities who broke the rules, but since it was _Zim_ they were judging, they decided to hold it down in the Underworld if only to keep him from breaking stuff up there. The last trial ended up with a large hole in the wall, courtesy of Zimkro, more of a reason to hold it in Zim's lair. Due to Zim's neglect of his duty, though, there were lost souls and spirits currently flying around the place, to Purple's dismay.

All of the Irken pantheon gathered in the Underworld's courtroom, with the Tallest seated in the judging desk, Zim and Dib both chained down in the 'accused' chairs, while Sizz-Lorr (god of fast food)would act as the prosecutor. Zim knew he was in trouble; as far as he could remember, Sizz-Lorr hated his guts since the moment he was born. He didn't know why. Perhaps because the Tallest had entrusted him (Zim) with a remarkable job.

To Zim's dismay, the only person willing to act as his defense was Gir.

"Order!" Red yelled. Man, that felt good! "Okay, now that we're all here…"

"Zim's lawyer is missing!" Zim cried out. It was a rather pathetic attempt to delay the inevitable. Gir entered soon after with a tray of muffins.

"Okay, now that your 'lawyer' is here, we can begin." Purple snickered.

Red continued. "Zim, you are accused of neglecting your duty and letting a living hyooman into the Underworld. Big-headed hyooman," Dib cried out that his head was not big, but Red ignored him. "You are accused of trespassing into the realm of the dead while still being alive. How do you both pledge?"

"Innocent!" Both cried in unison. They glared at each other.

"Don't you dare copy Zim, filthy hyooman!"

"Me?! You are the one who copied me!"

"Lies!"

"Silence, you two! Now that we're ALL here, we should begin."

"Wait, my sister! Where is she?!"

"The hyooman Gaz is still in her assigned bedchambers, big-headed hyooman," Sizz-lorr said, omitting the part in which the person sent to fetch her never returned.

"My head is not big!"

"Okay, let's start! The sooner we finish this up, the sooner we can get out of this giant hole in the ground. It's getting scary!" Purple hid behind his desk as another ghost flew by. "Sizz-lorr, you may proceed!"

"Thanks, my Tallest. We're all gathered here for the trial of Zim," Sizz-lorr pointed at the small Irken. "I shall prove that he neglected his duty and disrupted the balance of the universe!"

"Lies! Dirty lies of Sizz-Lorr!"

"My first witness: Tak!" The irkenette made her way forward to take a seat in the chair placed in front, right in the middle of a circle. It was a truth circle: when someone within its boundaries lies, electric magic punished them with jolts capable of powering up a city. "Tak, in what conditions did you find the Underworld in when you arrived?"

"An absolute mess. There were lost souls and spirits everywhere."

"SHE LIES!" Zim cried out, but the other Irkens ignored him.

"Is it true that said spirits made their way out of the Underworld?"

"It is. The spirits even made their way up to the _Massive_ and into the mortal realm, where they-ve been running rampant."

"What do you think could be the cause of this?"

Tak narrowed her eyes at Zim. "Neglect on the ruler's part, of course." All eyes fixed on Zim.

Sizz-Lorr snickered. "No more questions, my Tallest."

"Any questions defense wishes to make?" Red asked GIR.

For a brief moment, the imp's eyes turned crimson as he saluted and uttered 'yes, sir!'. As he walked up to Tak, he held out a tray of muffins. "Want a muffin?" He asked with a high-pitched voice, back to his usual self. When Tak tried to decline, GIR wailed hysterically to the chagrin of the other Irkens, leaving her no choice but to grab one of the puffy pastries if only to make him shut up.

"GIR, don't offer her muffins!"

"Hey, this isn't fair! We're supposed to have rights to a legal defense!"

"_**Master Zim has no income to have an actual lawyer, hyooman. And the Imp is the only one with a law degree that accepts waffles as payment**_." Cavernous clarified.

"Ah, good thing you're here! You are my second witness!"

"_**I beg your pardon?**_" If Cavernous had a face, he would have given Sizz-Lorr a quizzical look.

"You know everything that happens inside this castle, don't you?"

"_**Technically, I **_**am** _**the palace's consciousness.**_"

"Then tell us: what has Zim been doing these past few weeks?"

"_**He's been spending time with the Gaz-hyooman.**_"

"And has he neglected his duty while doing so?"

Cavernous ignored Zim's yells not to respond. "_**He has.**_"

"Hey, if he works for you how come he's throwing us or the lion pit?!" Dib yelled at Zim.

"There are no lions here, hyooman." Red quickly asked Cavernous. "There are no lions, right?"

"_**No, sir**_." Red sighed in relief. He's not fond of big cats.

"And did you inform Zim here," Sizz-Lorr pointed at said Irken. "That the souls of the dead were accumulating and getting out of hand?"

"_**I did, but he wouldn't listen because he was too busy with the Gaz-hyooman.**_"

Sizz-Lorr sneered evilly. "No more questions, my Tallest."

"Curse you, Cavernous! Curse youuuuuu!" Zim somehow managed to free one of his arms to wave a clenched fist.

"_**Hey, I **_**told **_**you that you needed to pay attention to your job!**_"

"LIES!"

"Does the defense wish to add something?"

"Want a muffin?" This time, GIR held his muffins up to the ceiling. To the audience's shock, Zimkro burst its head through the wall and licked all the contents in the tray before retreating. Cavernous cursed under his breath as he levitated the broken debris back into place.

"Now, as for the hyooman…"

"Keep your hands off my Gaz-demon, Sizz-Lorr! The Tallest permitted me to have her as my bride!"

"She's not yours, you pervert!" Dib snapped.

"That's the thing, Zim. We told you that you could have her, not that you could waste your time and outright neglect your duty." Red said matter-of-factly. "Now thanks to you we have to deal with the ghosts!"

"Hey, if you're 'almighty and all-powerful' why don't you snap your fingers and be done with it?" Dib asked.

"It doesn't work like that, Hyooman."

"If it did, we would have gotten rid of _certain_ problems a long time ago," Purple said bitterly, glancing at Zim briefly with contempt.

"As I was saying," Sizz-Lorr continued. "I suggest that Zim, his girlfriend, and the big-headed hyooman get sent to Tartarus."

"Me?! Why?!"

"For sneaking into the Underworld before your time."

"You can't do that! I was trying to save my sister!"

"Don't you dare put your fat, ugly limbs on my Gaz-demon, Sizz-Lorr!"

"As much as I like that idea, somebody has to be stuck down here to deal with _this_ issue-OW!."

"What my co-ruler means is that we need someone capable enough to handle the dead," Red said with grit-teeth. "And Zim's the only one we can _trust_ with such a dangerous realm."

Tak got to her feet. "My Tallest, if I may make a suggestion, if Zim is truly attached to this female hyooman, then perhaps a fitting punishment would be to _deprive_ him of her forever. Not only that but make sure he can _never_ see her again."

Red and Purple exchanged a glance.

"Hey, that's brilliant."

"Why didn't we make _her_ ruler of the Underworld? Oh, right, I hadn't made her yet." Purple muttered the last part to himself.

"Very well, then. Those who agree with Tak's suggestion raise your hands." Almost everyone in the room did. Even Dib and GIR, though in the latter's defense, he had no idea of what they were doing, he just went along with it.

The only ones who willingly kept their hands down were Miyuki and Skoodge. Skoodge was a minor messenger in-between the realms, so he got to know Zim a little better than most of the other Irkens. This interaction technically made him the closest thing to a friend Zim had in the Irken pantheon.

"Okay, then. It's decided!" Red glanced down at the defective with a malicious glint. "Zim, as punishment for your blunder, you'll be returning the female hyooman."

Zim's squeedly-spooch sunk. The idea of giving up his Gaz-demon and being alone again _scared_ him. "M-My Tallest, please reconsider-!"

"Not only that," Purple resumed where his co-Tallest left off. "You won't be able to leave the Underworld nor communicate with the _Massive_ for at least two hundred years!" A few of the other Irkens cheered at the news.

"Yes!"

"And the big-headed hyooman will still be sent to Tartarus."

Dib's joy evaporated. "WHAT?! WHY?!"

"First reason, you snuck into the Underworld before your time. The second reason, we don't like you. The third reason, you're head is humongous."

"My head is not big!"

Zim tried to get free of his bindings as Larb approached with an imprisoning deal. "GIR, do something!"

"Yes, sir!" For a moment, it seemed GIR would _do_ something for once, but instead, he sat down and started making origami.

"GIR!"

The doors burst open. There stood a very angry Gaz. "_Stop._" She said as she stepped into the room, ignoring Dib's cries.

"Gaz, get out of here! These monsters are going to-!"

"Shut up, Dib." Gaz glanced up at Red and Purple. "So you are the famous leaders Zim worships?"

"Zim has an awful taste." Larb murmured.

"Hyooman, we're in the middle of a trial, would you mind going to bother someone else?"

"Shut your trap, you big, overgrown bug." Everyone in the room gasped. How dare she disrespect the Almighty Tallest like that? "Look, my time is pizza and video games, so I'll keep it short. Let go of my boyfriend and I _might_ consider sparing you."

"Gaz-demon, stop!" Zim cried out in desperation. "You're going to screw it up!"

"Somebody seize that hyooman!" Purple snapped.

Both Zim and Dib may have their differences, but if there was something both had in common was that both cared for Gazlene's wellbeing. When they simultaneously screamed at her to run, they didn't bother to glare at each other in annoyance over being 'copied.'

However, both had momentarily forgotten that Gaz was no damsel in distress. So when Larb tried to grab her arms, she sidestepped, grabbed him by the lekku and threw him around like a punching back before finally throwing him at Spleen, Skutch, and Grapa as they tried to aid him. When Sizz-Lorr lunged at her, she jumped out of his reach and landed right on his head. Try as they might, the Irkens were no match for her. Eventually, the remaining attendees were wise enough to keep their distance from her.

The only one who posed a real challenge for Gaz was Tak herself, who proved to be a match to her. Tak even summoned her imp, MiMi, to aid her in battle, making things harder for her opponent. However, in the end, Gaz used the same tactic as her brother and splashed them both with soda, leaving them both on the ground, sizzling with steam as it burned their skin.

Zim, Red, and Purple were staring at her agape, the former in awe, the latter two in utter shock.

Gaz searched into her pocket and held out what seemed to be some pale blue gummies. Both Tallest went pale. "NO! Not our Meekrob gummies! Those were a limited edition, and we can't find them anywhere else" Purple wailed, stretching out an arm in despair.

Gaz grabbed one of the tiny candies. "Let my boyfriend go, or I'll eat them. I'll _eat_ them."

"You wouldn't dare…!" Red snapped. But to his horror, the hyooman was faithful to her word and proceeded to bite off one of the gummies' heads and chew it. "STOP!"

Gaz opened an eye slightly. She glanced at the ceiling. "You, the annoying voice from the ceiling."

"**Cavernous!**"

"Whatever your name is. If I eat these, I can't leave the Underworld, right?"

"**That's usually the case. Zimkro would tear you to shreds if you tried- Hey, what are you doing?!**"

Too late. Gaz grabbed half the gummies and shoved them into her mouth, forcing herself to chew them despite the overly sweet taste, which she hated, and swallowed them.

"STOP!" Purple cried again before Red could stop him. "PLEASE STOP! WE'LL GIVE YOU ANYTHING, BUT PLEASE DON'T EAT THEM!"

Gaz raised an eyebrow. "_Anything_?"

"Whatever you want, just give me my gummies!"

The female hyooman seemed to think about it for a few seconds. Then Gaz smirked. She had the most powerful beings in the universe in the palm of her hand. She'd be a fool if she didn't take advantage of that.


	8. Chapter 8

**Okay, just the epilogue and we're done! Since we''re just starting Irktober, hopefully, I'll be able to work more on Zim fics. **

* * *

**Zim's Mythology of Doom**

**Chapter 8**

* * *

In all the history of the Irken Pantheon, this was the first time a mortal had humiliated them like this. The first time a mortal had the guts to _ever_ stand up to them and demand anything from them. How dare she eat their gummy collection?! They were going to eat them themselves eventually!

Her demands were rather simple. The first was that they exonerate Zim and leave him in charge of the Underworld, the second that they let them continue their relationship and the third that they give her an eternal pizza stash all for herself. Red and Purple retired to discuss their options in private, and after half an hour they decided that it was worth to have their gummies back.

"There's one thing you should know, hyooman," Miyuki said. "By eating those gummies, you have doomed yourself, for whoever eats Irken food cannot leave the Underworld."

Red laughed. "Come on, Miyuki. Surely we can figure something out…!" he said between grit teeth.

"Well, my Tallest, there _is_ a sort of gray area," Skrang said. "She only ate six gummies. The hyooman year lasts twelve months. Since Zim here is the ruler of the Underworld, he could 'twist' the rules a little. She could spend six months down here, and six months up in the world of the living."

Ga didn't protest much. "I can't stay here forever, anyway. My dad will be worried."

"Anything for my Gaz-demon!"

"Not so fast, Zim!" Purple glared at him. "I don't know how, but you better make time for your job when she's here, I don't want another ghost invasion in the _Massive_. In fact, Tak!"

"Yes, my Tallest?"

"Congratulations, you're being promoted to Goddess of Death. It'll be your job to keep an eye on Zim and inform us if he screws up again." Tak seemed dismayed at the idea of spending more time down there, but nevertheless, she saluted.

"Hey, I don't need a babysitter!"

"Yes, you do." Red, Purple and even Gaz spoke simultaneously.

"Hello?! What about me? I'm still here!" Oh, right, the big-headed hyooman. What to do with him? Oh, well, they'd let Zim and his Gaz-demon handle him.

"You two deal with him. We're _done_ for today."

"Oh, and Zim. _Don't_ come back up unless it's a real emergency, okay? I've had it with your giant pet making holes in the walls!"

"See you hopefully not soon." That said, Red and Purple vanished in flashes of white light, followed by the rest of the Irken pantheon, minus Tak.

"Okay, you moron, this is how it's going to be: I am your superior, so I have the authority to cause you a lot of pain if you mess it up again, but I think your 'girlfriend'," Tak shivered in disgust (not fear, she wasn't afraid of the hyooman), "can inflict you more pain, so I'll leave that in her hands. I'll be constantly overseeing you whenever she's down here to make sure you don't neglect your duty _again_."

Zim scoffed. "Big deal, it was just a few ghosts."

"It was an army of poltergeists and restless spirits, you idiot!"

"He got the message, now if you'd be so kind as to get out of my CASTLE!" Tak rolled her eyes and vanished. For the time being, at least.

"Okay, Gaz, now that you're done negotiating with the Irkens, how about you set me free!" Dib yelled, still in the same spot as before. "I think I'm losing mobility in my arms!"

"Why should I? This whole mess was your fault."

"MY fault?! I was trying to save you, and if _he_ hadn't gotten in the way-!"

"How dare you yell at Zim, puny hyooman! I should punish you for your insolence!" Gaz whispered something into Zim's lekku. The Irken grinned. "Dib-stink, as punishment for coming into the Underworld before your time, you shall clean Zim's toilet for a month!"

"_**Master, we don't have a toilet**_**.**"

"Then make one!" Cavernous sighed. A wooden door materialized in the wall just as Dib was released from the shadowy energy. GIR approached him with a strange hat with lots of toilet brushes.

"I made a sandwich!" The little Imp said, placing it on top of Dib's head.

"Hey, don't you have a normal plunger?" Gaz merely smirked.

"It's time to give your big head a use."

It didn't sound that bad. He'd just have to keep his head away from the water. Besides, if this bathroom was just made from scratch, there's no way it'd have anything in it, right? Dib stepped into the neat-looking bathroom and towards the neat-looking toilet-"

"AAAH! NOOOO!"

* * *

It was nighttime in The City, so almost everyone was asleep by that point. Thanks to this, no one noticed the giant crevice opening up on the ground and a massive flying snake coming out of it and move through the dark, starry sky to land right in front of the membrane household.

Zimkro opened its mouth and placed Gaz gently on the grass, and then vomited Zim, GIR and Minimoose. Zim cursed his beast for the hundredth time, but the creature simply curled up to wait until it was time to go. GIR, meanwhile, was rolling on the grass in his green dog disguise and Minimoose was just staring at him.

"Guess it's goodbye for now," Gaz said.

Zim laughed. "Never fear, Gaz demon, for Zim will be watching you all the time until you return to me!" Gaz grabbed him by the lekku.

"Don't you dare spy at me in the shower or I will personally gouge your eyes out and feed them to your pet." She warned dangerously, opening an eye slightly for emphasis.

"Foolish Gaz-demon! I can just ask my Tallest for another pair!"

Gaz couldn't help but smirk a bit. Admittedly, she'd miss the little green alien-god. This wasn't how she had planned to spend summer break, but she'd be lying if she said she didn't enjoy her time down with Zim, GIR, Minimoose and even Zimkro. Zim had a strange way of showing affection, but she found it… _cute_.

"You know, one of these days you could try and visit. If you're saying about taking me as your Queen, I'd have to introduce you to my dad."

Zim pretended to think about it. "Guess I could make time in my busy schedule. I am very busy."

GIR looked at him. "No, you are not."

"Silence!"

Gaz rolled her eyes, but she decided to toy with Zim one more time. As he was distracted with scolding GIR, she quickly leaned in and planted a kiss on his cheek. The reaction was immediate: Zim's antenna perked up sharply and his face turned pink. GIR waved a hand in front of him and got no response. Zimkro licked him from behind, and once again he didn't even flinch. Finally, Minimoose landed on top of his head. A few seconds later, Zim fell backward onto the ground with a love-struck gaze.

Anyone would have laughed at his expression, but the closest thing to a laugh Gaz had was a small, tiny smirk and a scoff. "See you in six months, Zim." GIR rushed forwards and hugged her legs, wailing. Zimkro lowered his head and purred, tilting his head. Minimoose squeaked sadly. "Okay, okay. I'll miss you guys too." She patted their heads awkwardly at the overly show of affection. "GIR, let go of me before I rip off that crudely made disguise." She didn't mean it, of course. She couldn't mean it with GIR.

"See ya later, Gazzie!"

"Squeak!"

"_Screeeech!"_

Zimkro swallowed Zim, G, R and Minimoose and took off, disappearing into the night sky. Gaz stared at him as he disappeared back into the darkness, and back towards the crevice he had emerged from. She went back inside, thinking of what she'd say dad about her absence and how to explain she'd be leaving for half a year.

"_Hello, honey!_" she was greeted by dad through the screen-phone. "_Where have you been all this time? I was about to send a missing person report to the FBI!_" Gaz raised an eyebrow. Really, she was gone for months and he only noticed until now? Typical.

"I stayed over with a friend." she half-lied.

"_Ah, I'm glad you've finally decided to look for human companions, honey! Be sure to let me know when they come to visit so I can make space to properly meet them!_"

"Sure, why not?"

"_Hey, have you seen your brother?_"

Gaz shrugged. "He's in an Irken underworld cleaning toilets with his head."

Professor Membrane merely laughed. "_You're my funny child!_"


	9. Chapter 9

**My, it's been a while since I updated this one, and I apologize. I got too caught up in _Indokani_ and _Shades of Purple_ and I kind of... forgot XD. But anyhow, here's the final chapter to this short story. I do hope you enjoyed it!**

* * *

When Gaz returned home, Professor Membrane had casually gone home and noted her absence, but thankfully she returned just as he was about to call the FBI and the President. She explained she had gone to a videogame conference and met someone, with whom she spent six months.

"Ah, so you've finally made a friend! That's wonderful news, honey! You should invite him to dinner one of these days!" was all the Professor said, patting his daughter in the head. "Have you seen your brother?"

"He's down in the Irken Underworld cleaning toilets with his head." Gaz said.

"Haha, you're my funny child!"

Life went back to normal after that… mostly. Dib returned a week later and had nightmares, prompting Dad to send him to psychiatric therapy thinking he had developed a phobia of toilets. Thankfully for Gaz's sanity and temper, and in turn the world of the living, Dib eventually got over it, but he still continued to keep an eye on her.

To her surprise, just three days after being returned to Earth, someone knocked on the door at night and she found none other than Zim himself. He wore a rather feeble disguise consisting of a black wig and contacts that gave him a more or less human appearance except for his green skin.

"Hello, my Gaz-demon!" he said, holding a bouquet of wilted flowers.

"What are you doing here, Zim? I'm not supposed to go down to your realm yet," Gaz pointed out.

"Come now, my queen! Who says that's the only time I get to see you? I have decided to pay you periodical visits so you will not miss me!"

"Okay… And what did your leaders say about that?"

"I don't think they'll mind. They never said anything about visiting my love-pig, did they?"

Gaz shrugged. "I guess not."

Zim stayed for dinner that night. He was wise enough not to bring GIR, knowing he might make a mess of everything. To Gaz's surprise, dad actually liked Zim and the two discussed science-related topics. How did Zim know that much, anyway? Then again, he _is_ a good who is thousands of years old. He might have seen many things during his lifetime.

"You have quite an interesting friend, honey! I'm glad he made it for dinner! You should come by more often, Zim!"

It didn't take long for Dib to react accordingly. "You can't be serious, Dad! He's the Irken god of the Underworld! He's the one who kidnapped Gaz!"

Professor Membrane shook his head, sighing. "Please excuse Dib, Zim. He just got cures from toiletphobia and he's having hallucinations as a result of PTSD."

"Come on, dad, you have to admit that his skin isn't normal" Dib pointed at Zim. "Just look at him! His skin is green!"

"It's a skin condition." Zim said absentmindedly.

"Right, and you have no ears! Is that part of your 'skin condition'?!"

Zim lowered his gaze. "Yes."

"Oh, Dib, you shouldn't judge people just because they have a rare disease." Professor Membrane continued. "Just look at your sister, she started a relationship with young Zim here without minding it. In fact, Zim, I could look for a cure for your condition!"

Zim coughed. "That's… nice of you, Gaz-demon's parental unit, but Zim is fine. It's no bother."

"Oh, it will be no bother at all! It's been a while since I invented a cure!"

The following months went by faster than Gaz expected, mostly because Zim would visit her often and take her on dates. At first these 'dates' consisted of just playing videogames in Gaz's room, but then they started going out more. Zim would take her to pretty places around Earth, and even beyond it to distant worlds on Zimkro. How the animal could travel at the speed of light and not disintegrate was probably something Professor Membrane might have loved to decipher.

Of course, there were times when Zim wouldn't visit her for weeks. Gaz knew he was probably busy working, as it was one of the conditions his leaders had given him to let him be with her in the first place. She wouldn't admit it outloud, but part of her missed him during those times. He certainly kept her entertained.

Finally, the time came to return to the Underworld. Gaz made her way to the rock formation Dib had used once to get there on August 1st. Soon after, a crack opened in the earth and Zimkro emerged from it. He swallowed her and flew back towards Zim's palace, vomiting her right in the throne room, just like last time.

However, as she came got on her feet, Gaz noticed the entire place had been decorated for a sort of party. There were balloons, a colorful sign that read 'welcome home' (though it was severly miswritten) and lots of Bloaty's pizza boxes.

"Welcome home, Gazzie!" Gaz looked up and saw GIR up in the chandelier, throwing nachos on top of her.

"Hi, GIR," she smirked slightly.

"Nyeh!" Minimoose approached, holding a silver tray with her favorite snacks.

"No, thank you, Minimoose."

"_**Welcome back, ma'am.**_"

"Hello, Cavernous. Where's Zim?"

"_**The master will join you shortly.**_"

She heard some cursing coming from the corridor. Zim walked out, struggling to properly knot a bowtie. "Cavernous, how do I tie this thing?!"

"Hi, Zim."

Zim jumped back, releasing a small yell of surprise as he realized his Gaz-demon had arrived earlier than he anticipated. Recovering his composure quickly, he ran closer to her, coughing loudly before crying out. "I have been expecting you, Gaz-demon!"

Gaz glanced sidewards. "I can see that. You set everything up with flowers and a table." She said, pointing at a nice, romantic table and a pot with flowers.

Damn it, the surprise was ruined! Zim kicked the pot into the wall and pushed the table off. "YOU CAN'T PROVE ANYTHING!"

Gaz rolled her eyes. Here they go again. "So which game should we play then?"

"It's Zim's turn to pick, Gaz-demon! And I choose the one with the red hyooman driving cars!"

"Mario Kart? Really?"

"Well, yeah, it's the only game Zim has won at! Besides," Zim frowned at Gir, who had proceeded eat the nachos. "I promised GIR I'd let him join the next gaming session." Gaz could actually imagine why; he probably pestered Zim until he agreed to it.

Gaz smirked. Unlike those other times, however, this was a genuine smile portraying fondness, the kind of smile only her father ever saw.

"I get to pick character first."

"Deal!"

* * *

**And this is it, folks! Thank you all for your reviews and your support, even though this fic was rather short. **

**In other news, _Indokani_ is also approaching its, but i'll stall its sequel for now, as I'm working in a IZ fantasy fic inspired on _Harry Potter_ and _Little Witch Academia_. I hope I'll see you all there too!**

**See ya!**


End file.
